The Thing With Dependency

An image of a tumblr post by sangefiruze saying: “we were born alone & we die alone” you delivered yourself during birth? built all the roofs that have ever given you shelter? sown the wheat in your bread?? weaved the clothes on your back??? wrote all the books youve ever read and the music youve ever listened to????? who made the literal bed youre going to die in — you, all alone?

Behind every great man there is a strong woman.”

I once had a terse exchange with my brother who took offense that my mother had placed a little plaque in her bookshelf saying: “Behind every great man there is a strong woman”. Our mother isn’t even that outspoken a feminist, and feminism has never really been a topic at the dinner table. But whatever. My brother felt offended that the plaque disregarded the achievements of men by placing emphasis on the work done by women in the background. Far be it for me to disrespect good work, this is not what the plaque means anyway.

“When I get married, I have no problem with playing the house-husband [‘Hausmann’ in German]. I’ll have my friends over, we’ll have a barbecue and get drunk the entire day.”

I can’t quite remember what I said in response but I remember thinking: THIS is exactly not what taking care of the house means but it speaks volumes that this is your impression. I wonder what your future wife would say when she comes home after work and has to clean after “the boys” who have made a right mess of the house while she was gone. This is probably what my mother meant when she told me that working women have the pleasure of working and doing the housework because, paradoxically, this is what seems to be expected from them; or demanded rather I suppose.

Questions of humanity

Much has been made over the last centuries about what makes us humans “human”, what makes us so successful evolutionary-wise. (Does destroying our own habitat count as evolutionary success? I doubt that but then again I am not a Darwinist, so what would I know.)

Dependency denialists, otherwise known as individualists

The world is a scary place, oftentimes not properly controllable; both humans and environment are frequently random — or at least we haven’t found an abstract pattern to describe it yet — and we can never be certain about things that are important to our well-being and our sense of identity.



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